Day 18. Meh Meh.

Depression was worse today. Funny thing about depression - when you're in it? You don't actually want to get out. People, they try to cheer you up and snap you out of it, and you just resent it. You don't want to be cheered up, because in that state all you can think is that "cheery" is absolute bullshit.

You don't want to let it go. You can't let it go.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Banana

Cup of Tea

Lunch:

Leftover Pesto Sausage Pasta

Snack:

Oat Bran Pretzels

Dinner:

Red Pepper Hummus

Slice Wheat Bread

Olives

Pellegrino

Dessert:

Licorice with an ennui sauce.

Day 16.

I finally got out of bed and made it to the 9:30 Pilates class at my gym. Funny thing - the demographic of that class is entirely Park Slope women who don't have to work (or work from home). I was the only guy in there, and couldn't help but feel like the UPS Delivery boy on a Desperate Housewives episode. Or, conversely, like a turkey leg in a wolf den. Yikes.

My weight is still about 180 lbs. Hmm.

Made it out safely, though, and made it to my local for a couple of non-alcoholic drinks. Oddly, I didn't even WANT a cocktail. I'm sure that will change.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Multi Berry Smoothie

Green Tea

Snack:

Lara Bar

Lunch:

Leftover Sesame Orange Chicken

Brown Rice

Snack:

Greens+ Protein Bar

Dinner:

Amy's No Cheese Organic Pizza

White Bean and Escarole Soup

Hummus

Bar:

Soda and Lime x2

Dessert:

Licorice

Day 15. Halfway.

The halfway point. Honestly, I'm bored of it, of course. M's dropped the tee-totaling aspect but has kept the diet indefinitely (something I can totally relate to - I'm going to go back to the no pork, red meat once a week dealie after all this). No one in the NYC office is doing it anymore. D even admitted she wouldn't have done it if not out of support for me. So it's tough - I mean, no one's watching. No one would care if I stopped.

Despite that, despite the boredom and the cravings and the fucking DISHES, I do think there's some validity for me. I need this kind of hard reset every once in a while to put me back on the path.

That said, Super Bowl Sunday is gonna rule.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Multi-Berry Smoothie (what, they're delicious.)

Fig Porridge with Rice Milk

Roasted Green Tea

Lunch:

Malaysian Curry with Carrots, Seitan and Potatoes

Brown Rice

Steamed Spinach Dumplings

Green Mint Tea

Snack:

Hummus and Chips

Oh, I missed the gym due to the holiday. Tomorrow.

Day 14: AMNESTY DAY.

I hadn't even thought about Amnesty Day until I realized that there was a whole lot of football to watch.

Amnesty Day, to review, is traditionally a "get out of jail free" card for those times where you fuck up. However, it has increasingly become Health Month's Rumspringa (look it up). It's ostensibly a single indulgence of a single vice. 

D and I chose beer, as we missed drinking far and away. We started drinking halfway through the Pats game. Funny thing was, I only made it through 2 beers before I just felt...shitty. Kind of tired and headachy (to be fair, i did sit and watch 6 HOURS of football). I ended up falling aslpe on the couch. Not exactly the wild time it could've been. C'est dommage.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

I think I skipped Breakfast. I honestly cannot remember, and it was yesterday. Let's just say Smoothie?

Football Snacks:

Popcorn

Olives

Dinner:

Spiced Chicken

Hummus

Baba Ganouj

Foule

Tabouli

Grape Leaves

2 Beers. (Boston Ale - and it worked. Go Pats.)

Day 13

Man, I got behind. Day 13 was Saturday.

Uh...It was OK? The weekends are always kind of tough. I was supposed to truck it out to Williamsburg for a friend's birthday. but ended up sitting home, watching Lost. It's just...easier.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Green Tea

Peach Smoothie

Lunch:

Roasted Vegetable and Hummus Sandwich on Whole Wheat

Green Salad

Chicken Apple Sausage

White Peony Tea

Snack:

Olive Hummus

Whole Wheat Pita

Dinner:

Sesame Orange Chicken

Steamed Broccoli

Brown Rice

Dessert:

Licorice

Day 12

The things that get to you are the things you never really even thought about. Just the ritual of making coffee in the morning was such a part of my routine that now I find myself late for work. Does that even make sense? I just have to do things way out of order now.

I failed this week on the exercise front - mostly because I've got this nagging cough and I'm just so fucking TIRED all the time. Keith thinks it's lack of carbs, so I've stepped up my rice intake.

It just gets boring, and I think that's part of the problem. I just run out of things to cook, and since I can't just cook a little of something, i end up eating the same thing three days in a row.

This point in the exercise (almost halfway) usually brings out one of 2 things: quitting or doubting. I'm definitely in the latter category. Health Month is great for the binge and purge, but it ain't exactly healthy. But like someone once said, I can do absolutes - it's the moderation where it gets a little fuzzy.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Berry Smoothie

Lara Bar (these have been a godsend)

Lunch: 

Whole Wheat and Chicken Sausage deal

Snack:

another Lara Bar (cocoa molé)

Dinner:

More Whole Wheat Chicken Sausage dealie

Movie Snacks (too many, BTW):

Tabooli

Baba Ganouj

Olives

Popcorn

Whole Wheat Pita Chips

Dessert:

Vegan Chocolate Cookie

oof. too much.