Day 18. Meh Meh.

Depression was worse today. Funny thing about depression - when you're in it? You don't actually want to get out. People, they try to cheer you up and snap you out of it, and you just resent it. You don't want to be cheered up, because in that state all you can think is that "cheery" is absolute bullshit.

You don't want to let it go. You can't let it go.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Banana

Cup of Tea

Lunch:

Leftover Pesto Sausage Pasta

Snack:

Oat Bran Pretzels

Dinner:

Red Pepper Hummus

Slice Wheat Bread

Olives

Pellegrino

Dessert:

Licorice with an ennui sauce.

Day 17. Meh.

Got sort of blue today, and couldn't tell why. I think it's caloric, but that's the thing about depression - when you're in it you don't WANT to cure it. And you certainly don't want to think your mood could be so adversely affected by only eating the meat out of a sandwich for lunch.

Today was a challenge, because our office had lunch catered, which consisted of danish, pastry, doughnuts, delicious looking sandwiches, cookies, and for dessert, cakes. I stared at the entire table glumly when the doorbell rang - apparently one of our vendors had treated us to lunch: 12 hot pizzas.

Fuck.

So I made it through that, but then everyone was going out to dinner at this fancy japanese restaurant where you grill your food, and I couldn't stomach (literally) the idea of having to compete for the few veggies while everyone was throwing kobe beef on the grill and drinking their Sapporos, only to go out afterward for drinks. 

Being the only one sucks. I can understand why M caved for the drinking aspect - the loss of sociality is the worst part.

So I went home and fell asleep in my clothes at 11. The phone rang, but I didn't bother to see who it was - it didn't matter. I wasn't going anywhere.

CONSUMED

Breakfast:

Banana

Cup of Roasted Green Tea

Lunch:

Turkey breast

Green salad

Snack:

Almonds

Dinner:

Whole Wheat Pasta

Chicken Apple Sausage

Chickepeas

Vegan Pesto